Stark

I had another post written under this title.  I wrote it just before I started this one, but the title is still apt, for this post is in stark contrast to what that one had to say.  I whined in that one, I vented, and I was ready to scream.  Life has been a bit harsh here, and I wanted nothing more than to kick my feet and pound my fists.  I did so in that post, and therefore it is unnecessary to actually publish it.

I vented.  Y sabes que?, And you know what?  It changed nothing.

No, wait.  Untrue.  It changed the need for me to vent so publicly.  It changed the need for me to beat at my chest as life is unfair to me alone.  As if I stand on the corner of misfortune and mishaps with nothing but the sound of crickets to keep me company.  The rest of the world is reaping rewards justified and UNjustified alike, while poor, little me must bare such a burden as never before seen upon this world.

Yes, I tell you, it was a sad, self-pitying little post, that brought me to tears because I felt at that moment that I could not take. it. any. more.  Yet, here I am, yes?  So, apparently, I can take it.  And, apparently, I will take it.  I am not the first person to lose a good paying job, then lose the next not-so-good paying job.  I'm certain I'm not even the first person who is now cleaning the office they use to work in.  My resume goes out, a bit tarnished with two years out of an office setting, but it will continue to go out, and I will work at whatever it takes to pay my bills, and see my daughter through college.

Her car, that was stolen and stripped down, will have to be replaced, but even if I have to give her mine, and take the bus wherever I have to, I will.  My husband works hard and is still gainfully employed, so I will do my part no matter if it is cleaning hasta que ni me puedo quedar parada, until I can no longer stand.

There is no doubt, that on paper I am worth more to my family in life insurance than working whatever jobs I can get.  But that is on paper, which cannot begin to put a price on seeing my daughter accomplish what I could not.  There is no price on seeing her smile, and sitting down to dinner with my family.  Or having my dog curl on my lap, and nudge me when he sees despair trying to steal my breath.

There is no need for a self-pitying post, when I have in this moment more than I ever thought I would.

(((hugs))) to anyone who might be reading this.  We've made it through another day, yes?

:-)